Famous people like singers and movie stars are often asked what keeps them feeling and behaving like normal humans, what keeps them sane in this crazy world. Almost always they then praise their friends for keeping them grounded.

This reminds me of what Jesus said:

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 

You are my friends if you do what I command. 

I no longer call you servants,

because a servant does not know his master’s business.

Instead, I have called you friends,

for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

-John 15:12-15 (NIV)

Jesus was unusually good at friendships! For Him friendship is grounded in a deep love. What does friendship mean to you?

I asked ChatGPT what the twelve most valued traits of friends are. The machine cannot know what friendship is. It cannot feel any emotions and cannot spend real time in real connection with living and breathing humans.

What it can do, is scour the internet and summarise what people have written about this God-given connection. It can note what type of content is read the most and which topics are written about the most.

This means that what it dishes up in such astonishing speed is neither new-found wisdom, nor creative or innovative. But it is a representation and reflection of what we as friends search, type and think about the most in regards to our camaraderie and fellowship with one another.

As you read through the list, take note of which attributes you would rank as your top four. Your temperament, whether you are Yappy Yellow, Raving Red, Groovy Green or Brilliant Blue will play a role in this.

Your love language will of course also determine your own list. They are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and  Physical Touch. (You can take an online test at lynettebeer.co.za if you do not know your temperament and/or love language.)

Here is that list:

1. Trustworthy and honest: Friends are relied upon to keep secrets and speak the truth, even when it is difficult.
2. Supportive and encouraging: A good friend celebrates successes and cheers you on during challenging times.
3. Loyal: True friends stick by you through highs and lows, offer the benefit of the doubt, and defend your character.
4. Empathetic and understanding: Friends make an effort to understand your feelings and experiences, providing a safe space to be vulnerable and feel heard.
5. Non-judgmental and accepting: Friends accept you for who you are, flaws and all, without criticism or a desire to change you.
6. A good listener: Excellent listening skills help friends truly know who you are, validate your emotions, and offer meaningful advice.
7. Dependable: Friends follow through on their commitments and can be counted on to show up in times of need.
8. Humorous: Laughter and shared jokes are a balm for stress and a key aspect of enjoying time together.
9. Respectful of boundaries: Good friends respect your limits and personal space, never pressuring you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.
10. Willing to invest time and effort: Healthy friendships are reciprocal, with both people investing time and energy to maintain the bond.
11. Kind: A friend treats you and others with compassion and consideration, fostering a positive environment.
12. A positive influence: Friends uplift you, make you feel good about yourself, and inspire you to pursue self-growth and your goals. 

If I had to sum up in one word what I most appreciate about my friends it is: Confidence. What I mean by this is what the American self-help author and blogger, Mark Manson, says:

“Confident people really know who they are, whereas ego-driven people need everyone else to know it too. Confidence will listen, whereas ego interrupts.

“Confidence lifts others up because it’s not threatened, whereas ego will tear other people down just to feel taller. Confidence is grounded in truth, whereas ego is addicted to perception.

“When you’re confident you act because it matters, because it’s important to you. But when it’s ego, you act because you need to be seen by somebody else.

“Confident people are always seeking growth. Ego-driven people are seeking control. As you can see, true confidence comes from self-awareness, while ego is insecurity dressing up as strength.” (Source: https://youtube.com/shorts/fHkZ1ofvKUU?si=bLtdklQHCxp4stO_)

What a blessing it is to have such confident friends. What a blessing it is to work at gifting the same in return.